Judgment.
“Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all. When there's a big disappointment, we don't know if that's the end of the story. It may just be the beginning of a great adventure. Life is like that. We don't know anything. We call something bad; we call it good. But really we just don't know.”
― Pema Chödrön
Episode 35. SHIFT: 3 of 5 in Series: Escape through Judgment.
Judgment of others, judgment of ourselves, judgment of situations, judgment of experiences…
Things actually just arise as neutral and then we cast a label upon them. We walk around all day, labeling- good, bad, right, wrong, positive, negative, success, failure…
We do this labeling subconsciously in our minds; we do it out loud; we create separation; we escape our true experience by judging.
Why do we do this? Our brain, in its innate attempt to make sense of the world, calls upon us to categorize and organize incoming data; to process and to prioritize; to be alert to threat, and to protect for survival. So, our primitive brain leans us into judging, but how does this impact our being? How does this judging manifest to rapidly spiral into self-criticism and self-loathing, taking us to a place of doubt and shame? How easily do we go from a quick label or judgment to being completely “stuck” in our own “stuff”?
Take something as subtle as pain in your knee… “My knee hurts” (negative judgment) > this is going to affect my running > I should not have run extra miles this week > I should have been more diligent about my vitamins > crap, it hurts > this will set me back > I won’t be ready for the 10K next month…
Does this sound familiar? Judging, self-criticism, projection, fear, uncertainty…
Or in relationship… “She is disappointed in the movie I picked” (negative judgment) > I don’t know why she even asked me to pick > I always mess it up > I have always sucked at decisions > now she is going to be quiet all night…
Or something we can’t even control in the least… “What a raw cloudy, crappy day” (negative judgment) > it will be miserable out there, I should just stay in > this day is not worthy of my attention or participation > figures, it’s always bad weather on my days off > it will probably be cold tomorrow too…
See how we jump from a neutral arising to a critical label; from the present to past rehashing and future projecting; from an external scenario to personalization; from being to shoulding…
We judge. We label. We recount. We project. We catastrophize. We personalize. We distort.
Our labels and judgments are often turned on ourselves, and often turned on the situation in which we land, either judging it to be “my own fault” or judging a person or situation that has “wronged me”…
We can get so caught up, that we don't realize we are using this judgment as an escape from reality; as a means of coping to not truly feel; avoiding our inner pain by harsh critique and sabotage; reinforcing our “failings”; relying on old models of how things "should" be…
But we are not stuck in judgment.
We can climb out of this trance of self-judgment. We can realize that part of our journey is to see that when we are turned on ourselves, it feels horrible, and it is harmful to ourselves and to others…
To move through this trance, bring kindness and compassion to those very feelings of doubt and self-dislike. Become familiar with liking ourselves as we like others. Not gooey-sticky, self-admiration, but wisdom of understanding and trust in our true self.
Recognize that any transformation requires cultivating a quality of self-compassion, allowing ourselves to open to something bigger. This is not a selfish act, but a necessary act for relating to others and the world around us.
And then recognize that life is a journey of twists and turns- certainly not a straight line- and not everything works out...failure and heartache are here to teach us...
So, don’t judge the moment, and don’t stretch the moment to be the whole day or your whole life. Allow one moment to be, just as it is, with trust and openness to let it unfold. Because, sometimes what you judge to be “safe”, is actually the most harmful thing you could choose for your life. And a moment that you judge as “bad” or "failure" could actually be your greatest moment of transformation.
We sometimes don’t fully know the difference between annihilation and transformation.
If we just pull back the curtain on our trance of judgment, we can be open to the vastness of joy in transformation.
The great Ram Dass said, “Just love everything. It’s easier that way.”
Love through it all,
Jessica
~ Nobody knows how the story ends.
Live the day, doing what you can.
This is only where it began.
Nobody knows how the story ends. ~
–The Lumineers
SHIFT 5-Part Series: Escape through Illusion of Control.
Exploring our tendencies to escape life through an illusion of control....
We feel a sense of control through rushing, enduring, obsessing, judging, distracting...
When we are controlling our experience, we are not fully experiencing our life.
1. Escape through Rushing
2. Escape through Enduring
3. Escape through Obsessing
4. Escape through Judging
5. Escape through Distracting
Thank you for joining me through the journey. I am grateful.
Do it all with Love. Nothing is promised. But everything is workable.
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