However obsessing landed, it postured as a protector- a way of doing something about everything, of figuring it out “perfectly” to ensure that I would not again be caught off-guard or threatened, or feel failure or regret, or endure fearful moments of intense loss or panic.

If I worried about everything, played out the worst-case scenario 4-million times, researched every possibility and outcome, then nothing could rock me. The illusion of control.