The Paradox of Perfection.
"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."
― Anna Quindlen
Episode 31.
The Paradox of Perfection: We think we want perfection... but, really, perfection is the lowest standard.
Why? Because it's unreachable. Unattainable. It actually isn't even a thing. "Perfect".
So, perfectionism is a hindrance, maybe even a compensation; a maladaptive coping mechanism to summons some sense of control. Because perfection is an illusion. There is truly no perfection. We receive scores and grades and we set arbitrary ideals that give an appraisal of "perfect"- but do these really make us perfect?
Quantifiable measures: A perfect 10 in a gymnastics routine. A perfect 1600 on the SAT. An A+ review from the boss. Is this perfection?
Subjective measures: A perfect diet. A perfect job. A perfect marriage. Is this perfection?
We label a "perfectionist" in a positive light- always striving for "better, best", but does that perfectionist ever reach perfection? And if yes, by cultural distinction, is there contentment? Is there joy? Is there peace?
A 4.0 in college. Is that perfect? Does that bring peace? I can say from experience, no, and no.
Illusion of perfect...
If I do things perfectly, then I am in total control.
If I do things perfectly, then I cannot get hurt.
If I do things perfectly, then I will not have the rug pulled out from under me.
If I do things perfectly, then I fit in with the ideal, and keep my "status".
If I strive for perfection, then I don't actually have to act on important things because I have the safety-net of, "if I can't make it perfect, then I'm not putting myself out there."
I think we have all had little glimpses of this in life- in school, sport, body image, relationship, parenting, profession... And our culture rewards this drive to perfection, with even more kudos if we forego sleep and food and pleasure for the pursuit of 60-hour work-weeks, botox injections, kids' acceptance to Ivy League schools, letters after our names, and 6-figure salaries.
Is this perfection?
When we actually attain something that has been set in our mind as perfect, are we now perfect? Do we win at life? Are we satisfied? Are we in control?
When we hold back from pursuing something that could be great, for "fear of not being perfect", is this a cop-out? Are we playing the "perfectionist card"?
And can we even recognize this, or are we jaded by years of just routinely achieving high honors, getting promoted, wining races, receiving accolades?
Is this perfection?
Check in.
How is your heart?
Where are you empty?
What lack are you filling with your drive for perfection?
What fear are you covering?
Because if it is the ultimate fear- fear of death; therein lies the paradox....
We think we want perfection, but true perfection would mean it is over... it is finished... it is complete... Death.
Hmmm. So, is perfect really what we want?
And...if the end-goal of perfection doesn't exist, where does that leave us Type-A, objective-driven, goal-setting perfectionists?...
Realigning. Recalibrating.
Surrendering.
Not to mediocrity. Not to complacency in average. Not to a shoulder shrug of why bother working hard.
Quite the opposite.
Refocusing on purpose. Perfection is not a purpose.
Resetting the compass to fixate not on a perfect destination, but on a direction.
The goal is the evolving.
The destination is the moment.
The purpose is being. In it. Life.
Love on,
Jess
Do it all with Love. Nothing is promised. But everything is workable.
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