Human. Touch.
“The things that matter most in our lives are not fantastic or grand. They are moments when we touch one another, when we are there in the most attentive or caring way. This intimacy is the love we all long for.”
– Jack Kornfield
Episode 59.
“Moments when we touch one another” … was Jack referring to actual physical touch, or touch in the sense of captivate/ relate to/ move/ be in sync with? Either way, the connection of touch fosters alignment, health, and healing of humans.
Touch.
Deep and abiding connections with each other.
Walk me to the edge of the river. (quote at end)
Walk with me.
Hold my hand.
Let’s start with physical touch and the volumes of studies on the benefits... a few highlights:
Studies have shown that people are able to communicate a wider range of emotions through touch than through words.
NBA teams who had more physical interaction (think fist bumps, high fives, hugs and team huddles), experienced better performance outcomes as teams and as individuals.
Skin to skin touch stimulates pressure receptors in the vagus nerve. Vagus nerve stimulation shifts the central nervous system from a “fight or flight” state to a resting state, lowering the chronic stress hormone cortisol, reducing risk of cardiac disease, and increasing “natural killer cells,” which can strengthen the immune system.
Touch increases levels of serotonin - a neurotransmitter that acts as the body’s natural antidepressant and pain reliever.
Touch increases oxytocin, the bonding and love hormone; it builds attachment and safety and helps us manage stress.
A study among family communication in hospitals found that touch can be a form of medicine, “it can literally change someone’s capacity for hope and result in more effective healing.”
Physical touch.
Powerful.
Healing.
The human ability to synchronize with others is developmental and evolutionary. There is psychological, social, and physiological impact on human connection on this level, and touch is a significant modulator.
The animal kingdom provides examples of synchronicity in various forms: synchronous flashing among fireflies, flocking of birds, schooling of fish, synchronized movements among predators while hunting, and ants collectively searching for food, using a clear algorithm for problem solving.
Human studies have shown that group synchronicity is accompanied by cardiac and respiratory rhythms coordinating among people engaged in ceremonies, singing in a choir, or watching emotional movies together. Romantic partners have an established respiratory and cardiac rhythm coupling during gazing and shared tasks.
What is the impact on your physical and mental state when you feel deeply “in tune” with someone, or after a group yoga class- moving and breathing in sync with each other…a sense of grounding and ease; a subtle feeling of “ok-ness”…
Physical touch also promotes synchronicity, and this level of connection increases heart rate variability (HRV-a measure of cardiac resilience and overall health), modulates blood pressure, and regulates reactivity to stress. Touch improves learning capacity, provides comfort and emotional well-being, and has an analgesic (pain relief) effect.
As a science nerd, I have studied the psychophysical and neurophysiological implications of our sense of touch, peeled back the complex picture of the peripheral neural pathways involved in tactile perception, and investigated the psychophysical organization of sensory circuits and pathways underlying touch perception…and I can distill it down to this…physical touch is critical to health, healing, connection, and love. I can keep citing studies on the benefits, and detailing the ramifications of COVID to our physical and mental wellness, being void of touch. From the incidental brush of a grocery bagger’s hand, to a warm embrace of a dear friend, to an adjustment in a yoga class, the absence of touch will have wide- reaching and long-lasting detrimental effects. As a “physical touch person”, I felt the impact deeply. Nervous system dysregulation; Immune system collapse; Anxiety exacerbation; Sleep disruption…
Physical touch- critical to health and healing. Put it on a pedestal. Do not take it for granted. Build a fortress around the sanctity of embraces. Allow them to last. Promote them to linger. “Hug and Hold.” – A powerful 3-word quote, spoken by my dear friend, Frank in the months leading up to his wife’s death; and in the 2-years since her passing, he continues to freely remind the masses- “Hug and Hold”. Because our hugs are powerful and they are limited. Our holding pattern is finite. And our connection will remain in the essence of a memory.
Hug and Hold.
“The things that matter most in our lives are not fantastic or grand. They are moments when we touch one another, when we are there in the most attentive or caring way. This intimacy is the love we all long for.” – Jack Kornfield
Along with physical touch, we can touch one another by BEING there. BEING attentive. BEING caring. We all long for this. Another developmental and evolutionary need. The need to belong. The need to feel cared for. The need to connect.
Seeing each other. Opening up to be seen.
Trusting another. Trusting the journey that has knitted your path with another.
A parent. A spouse. A child. A sibling.
Touching.
This is love. This is the walk to the river. This is the holding of hands.
Touching. Healing. Knowing. Being. Here.
Thank you for reading.
Love,
Jess
“Thank you for letting me walk with you right to the edge of the river. It has been the greatest honor of my life. I would tell you to rest in peace, but I know that you always found peace boring. May you rest in excitement. I will always love you.”
-Elizabeth Gilbert, in a tribute to her partner, Rayya, who she called- my love, my heart, my best friend, my teacher, my rebel, my angel, my protector, my challenger, my partner, my muse, my wizard, my surprise, my gift, my comet, my liberator, my rock star, my completely impossible non-cooperator, my otherworldly visitor, my spiritual portal, and my baby.
Do it all with Love. Nothing is promised. But everything is workable.
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